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TnLounge Forum / Romance / It's Almost 3 years now and no sex, need your advice please (1 Post | 418 Views)
It's Almost 3 years now and no sex, need your advice please @ 10:11 pm
On Apr 11, 2016
************** from email ********************
Well i have an issue which i will be grateful if you can advise as maybe i am just blinded by the situation i dont know whats going on due to my love for this woman. Well it all started at my previous job as a car salesman for a huge organization in the country. One day my colleague which is my friend at that stage told me to go look into the supervisors office there is a lovey girl that might be going for an interview as he wasn't sure what she was doing there at the time. Well once i saw her i totally fell in love with her like i just knew deep inside of my heart this is the woman i want to spend my life with. After i saw her and never spoken to her at that time i haven't seen her for a few months. Having to add i was dating a lady which was a long distance relationship in a different country which i met online and have never met. That October was my annual leave and i decided to go meet her. I booked my flights and accommodation weeks in advance. Just before i set sail on my journey about a week before this lady that i met started working at my current employment and while we were working together we chatted on very few occasions. My leave then started and i flew to Singapore to meet up with my online crush which i discovered she wasn't very honest in the fact that she had kids and was still married but before she even confessed this lady back home that i knew for a week was on my mind on numerous occasions which i kept to myself.
After the lady in Singapore confessed about her situation with her husband i decided to return back home as you cannot start a honest relationship which is all basses on lies. My annual leave days finished and i returned to work as usual and me and this lady that i only know a week started talking allot and went on smoke breaks together etc. We both started having mutual friends and they invited me for Christmas and they informed me she will be there also and they allowed me to bring a friend which was also an sales executive and they all knew him anyways. Just a few hours before the party our mutual friend told me that this lady actually has a boyfriend and she is currently still living with him. As any guy you will feel embarrassed and feel that false hope was given as the feeling about each other was mutual. I went to the party and did not say a word about it. I started ignoring her at work as she lied to me about her relationship status and i dont want to be the reason they broke up. After a few days i was sitting at my desk doing my chorus and then suddenly she came over to me and said who told you. I then told her it does not matter who told me what matters is you lied to me and kept this a secret. She then asked if i could driver her home (which was his house) so she can explain to me everything. I thought well i am still crazy about her let me at least hear her out.
Our shift ended and she we got in the car on the way to her/his house and she started apologizing and start explaining her life story. First of all she said she has 2 kids and not one, she basically lied to everybody regarding her second kid even to her boyfriend at the time. She always said to everyone that kid is adopted its not hers. I never had any issue with her kids at all even if she had 10 thats how strong my feelings are towards her. We sat in the car and according to her i was the first person she told and she was crying non-stop that night and i felt really bad about it. She also confessed that her boyfriend of 4years cheated on her and he is in a relationship with her. At that stage she could not afford to leave the accommodation of her boyfriend as she just started with my company a few months ago she needs more savings. I then offered her a place to stay in my house and swore to secrecy that i will not tell a soul which i never did. She agreed and a few days later she informed her boyfriend or ex not to be at home as she is leaving. During our break i helped packed all her stuff and carried it all to the car and helped her move. While staying by me i helped her by doing most of the cooking her and my laundry etc. we slept on the same bed for months without touching each other as she was still in some pain regarding her ex boyfriend until valentines day came up. I woke up early without waking her and i bought her flowers, a card expressing my feelings for her and a beautiful breakfast and i returned home to surprise her. Everything in the living room and i called her over and said come see what i got for you. She sat beside me with all smiles and read my card. Half way threw it she started crying and could not stop. I helded her and said everything will be ok just have faith in God. A few weeks after that she had to prepare for her annual leave back to her home country. I remembered it well about 2 days before she left she was not contactable at all and i could not reach her on her mobile or message and i just left it. She then left gave me a big hug and she seemed very happy at that point. While she was home and me at work we were in contact on a daily basis via messages and skype by which i met her beautiful family. Her 2 kids and her mother. Without me knowing her friend which is our mutual friend informed me that she needed the time to decide if she is ready to start dating me or not and i just kept it to myself without asking. She then returned and i fetched her from the airport very excited to see her and took her home where we stayed. A few days later she informed me she is moving out and going to stay with out mutual friend.
I supported her decision and assisted her to move her stuff back to that house. During this time we were all friends spending time together going to movies and a group and did many road trips together. She then started going out of weekends without me trying to findout where she is going and i kept quiet regarding the topic. On one Saturday i woke up early to surprise her with breakfast and once i was at her door i gave her a call and she didnt reply. I then knocked on the door where everyone was sleeping and our mutual friend then answered the door. She informed me that she isnt there meaning she did not sleep home. She also informed me that 2 days before she left she went to go meet up with her ex boyfriend as he has some presents for her to give to the kids and this is when i started realizing she might be seeing him. I was very upset with what happened i got into my car and drove on my personal road trip just to clear my head. I then returned back home and she did not even once tried explaining where she was at all. A few weeks has passed where we didnt had any contact only the working colleague relationship until one weekend where i moved out of the house into a new apartment. I then required new home appliances and our mutual friend decided she will join me. As we were in the store and about to do the payment i realized my cards in the car and i quickly ran to the car. As i reached my mutual friend that did shopping with me called me from inside the store and said come see this you will not believe me. As i ran back to the store she told me look around this corner. As i did i saw her at the TV stand with him looking at TV's to buy for his apartment.
I dont have the words to describe to you what went through my head at that point. She saw me looking at them both and i turned around and walked away did the payment and went to drop off my friend. I felt such a betrayal that she never told me what she wanted from me and what her plans is for the both of us and the worse part of it all she returned to that cheat. Months passed of awkwardness at work until i met a beautiful young lady while i was in Thailand on my vacation. We met on facebook and pretty much fall in love instantly. Just before my break finished and my salary was credited to my account i had 4 days left to go wherever i wanted and decided to go meet her. She was a freelance model but very short so many men will find her attractive. We met at the airport for the first time and went to the hotel where i was suppose to stay. To make things short we pretty much just made love for my time there and i posted some pictures of us just hugging each other halfly clothed which i regret doing. A few hours later while with my new girlfriend at the time the lady from back home texted me and said can i please remove her kids from facebook as they can see me and she are not together anymore and i agreed and did so. Sad to leave again i had to return back home which i had to start work the next day. As i returned back home our mutual friends informed me that that lady's cheating ex boyfriend lost his job and he cant find work. Deep down inside i did feel better knowing that she knows she made a mistake because it was all his fault and i felt jealousy towards him because i really loved her and i might still be crazy about her. I remember this night very well as i was home alone after work she texted me and said we have a party at another's friends house just so out of the blue. I agreed and as i got there most of them is drunk already. I did not drink anything at that stage as i had a feeling i will be the designated driver. I dropped them all off at there house her included. As im driving home she gave me a call to thank me and she also said "is this a dream". So i asked her why, she replied that you are talking to me again and i really missed you and i finally made up my mind. I was so surprised because i never expected her to ever say that to me. We went on numerous dates afterwords by which we never kissed or anything still. One night our mutual friend said they want to drink can you please come join us. I said fine its weekend i dont have anything else to do. As i got there they played a game called "truth or dare".
I chose dare and the dare was i had to kiss her for the first time and surprisingly she agreed. As i did kiss her for the first time it felt i was in heaven i just had to do it again and again and again which i did. I slept over that night with no sexual contact at all as she has a room mate. I asked her the next day what she wants now and she said she wants us. I then had to leave my girlfriend which was another long distance relationship because i knew this lady is the lady i want to spend my life with. So we dated a few months and did not have sex we only fooled around with blowjobs, licking her etc. I then got a job offer from a sister company for a good position and i took it so we do t longer work in the same building anymore. A few months went past and one morning about 1am another friend of hers called me and said i must come fetch my lady at her house she is to drunk to do anything. I didnt know what was going on as it was a working day the next day. As i parked got out of the car walking towards this friends house i see her coming saying she will be ok she got into my car and started crying like crazy. I asked her whats wrong and she said somebody she knew called her and said she has a date with her ex boyfriend if she wants to catch him she must come to that club now. So according to her she confronted him why is he with her even though they are not dating and is none of her business. Basically she just got drunk because she caught her ex boyfriend on a date with someone she knew. She then Basically moved in with me again where everything was great. But still no sex just same fooling around things. This continued for 2 weeks and she told me she wants to go home again and so i took her back home she told me to leave her alone she needs time again. I left her alone for almost 6weeks by only chatting not seeing her or anything. She then went back to her country where the same only texting relationship continued. She was there for a whole month and i knew when exactly she will return and i did not inform her that i will collect her from the airport so that night i was at the entrance waiting and waiting for her. I then decided to call her and she seemed so surprised and happy that in there. Then she told me it wasn't just me who is there to fetch her he is there also. I was furious and i just left. How many times can this woman keep going back to a man that keeps cheating on her. I left her alone once again till when she decides what she want from me. A couple days passed and she started talking to me the way we were when we were crazy inlove.
I still dont know why i allowed it to happen again but i couldend say no because of the amount of love i have for this woman. Ever since that day till now we are still dating and i dont know what her communication with that guy if they are still talking or not but i know he lost his job again during this time... Again. During all of this we still did not have sex at all. To be honest this pass 5months she only finished me off once and every time i try touching her she say she is not in the mood and she dont have a sex drive for these kind of things. She went on leave again this whole month of April t be with her kids graduation and i dont know what is the problem, why she dont want to have sex with me. We spoke about marriage many times and we are on the same page regarding the topic. She even opened many conversations starting with "when we get married we will....". I am really lost and if anyone ever has this kind of issue it would be very helpful if you can tell me what to do in my life as i am still after everything has happened crazy inlove with her and i dont see myself marrying anyone else.
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